It may not seem likely, but having an affair can be the very thing that saves your failing marriage, says a new controversial self-help book. Marriage therapist Mira Kirshenbaum the author of the tome ‘When Good People Have Affairs’ says that the ’right kind’ of affair is not such a bad thing for a marriage.
According to the Telegraph , Ms Kirshenbaum says that an affair acts as the catalyst that jolts "people from their inertia". "Sometimes an affair can be the best way for the person who has been unfaithful to get the information and impetus to change," she told The Observer .
"I’m not encouraging affairs, but underlying the complicated mess is a kind of deep and delicate wisdom. It’s an insight that something isn’t working and needs to change." However, her book is not aimed by ‘creeps’ but decent people, who know that they have made a mistake while looking for real happiness and love.
"These people are suffering terribly and need to be relieved of their sense of guilt and shame because those emotions are paralysing," she said. "If handled right, an affair can be therapeutic, give clarity and jolt people from their inertia. You could think of it as a radical but necessary medical procedure. If your marriage is in cardiac arrest, an affair can be a defibrillator."
But Ms Kirshenbaum is convinced that the last thing a philanderer should do, is confess the affair to their partner. "This is the one area in which the truth usually creates far more damage in the long run," she said.
"If you care that much about honesty, figure out who you want to be with, commit to that relationship and devote the rest of your life to making it the most honest relationship you can."
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