Do you fight fair?

So you have regular fights with your lover? It’s normal! However, how you handle your fight will ultimately determine how your relationship develops in the long term. Many people fight dirty and ruin everything. Here’s a quiz that will give you an insight into how you and your partner deal with conflicts and disagreements together.

How to do it: Think of how you and your partner handle disagreements and write the number that you think is representative of how often this occurs. Give yourself a score as follows: 1 = Never, 2 = Rarely, 3 = Sometimes, 4 = Often, 5 = Very Often

Now add up your score...

How to interpret your score:
10 to 20 points: Seems like you are in a “perfect 10”, but check for a pulse in your relationship. Maybe you are able to talk about the difficult and important things Very well, but if you’re not talking, you don’t have much of a relationship. It really does take a little spice to keep any relationship alive. Cherish what you have and remember to keep right on talking and solving those problems before they get in the way of your growth.

21-34 points: This is dangerous territory. If your score is at the high end, you may be heading into long term trouble. Change the course of your fights by seeking to understand your partner rather than just defending your position. Understanding is powerful even when you don’t agree. 35-50 points: Ongoing fights where nobody wins? Change before someone gets hurt any more. Maybe you’re fighting because it’s the only thing you know how to do or maybe it’s the only time you get any attention. Even at that, you probably still feel lonely and trapped. It’s time to get help from a counsellor, therapist or other professional, or get out.

Ask yourself

We fight

We call names

Things get out of control when we argue (One of us gets nasty or abusive)

There are bad feelings for a long time afterward

Past issues from your current relationship come up during disagreements

There’s frustration even before we deal with problems

We forget what we’re fighting about but continue to fight

One of us must win

We blame each other

Neither of us listens to the other