The right signals...

It is a well known fact that children today face intense competition, and tend to be stressed out. And the competition is from friends, classmates, relatives and peers. But very few parents realize that very often, they themselves become a sort of competition for the child.

THE PROBLEM

Avinash Gupta (name changed) is a leading physician with a very busy practice. His wife Reema is a gynecologist, and her practice is even busier. Their only child, Rohan, is seven years old. From the time Rohan realized that his parents are highly successful people, he has been feeling a constant pressure to perform.

People around him — friends, relatives, grandparents, neighbours — all constantly keep reminding him that his parents are successful doctors, so obviously Rohan too must excel in his studies, and educate himself even more than his parents. Rohan, even before entering school, is stressed, and his source of stress is his own parents.

Anything that Rohan does is automatically compared to what his parents did, and he is rarely given credit or praise by those around him. Whatever he does is no big deal, since his parents were always brilliant in school, and have always topped their respective classes.

Where does Rohan go from here? Two things are likely to happen. Either he takes up the challenge and outdoes his parents, provided he is born with the intelligence and capacity to do so.

Or else, he gets frustrated that no one understands him and appreciates him. He gets into a situation where whatever he does is just not enough for his near and dear ones. If Rohan is born with average intelligence and drive, he is likely to suffer, he is likely to start performing badly, and might eventually drop out, or might just manage to graduate. Rohan also feels that only doing well in academics and succeeding professionally will see to it that his parents love him. He often starts linking parental love for him, to his performance. Added to this is the fact that such parents often have very little disposable time, to interact and bond with their children.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

Very few parents are aware or conscious of this fact, that their own success is often the foundation and stepping stone for their child’s failures. While not taking away anything from the hard work that has gone into the success story of the parents, it is necessary that parents recognize this issue and take measure to address it skillfully and tactfully.

Once parents are aware, they can tone down their own success in the presence of the child, they can stop comparing their childhood and student days with that of their child, and they can teach him that academic or professional success is not the only important thing in the world.